| hey |
[Dec. 27th, 2006|02:12 pm] |
|
I haven't updated this thing in a while. Everything has been so crazy that live journal isn't the most important thing going on anymore, but someone told me I should update again, so voila. So much and so little has happened since I last updated- My grades have taken a turn for the worse (AP Calculus and Honors Physics have beaten me), I officially applied to college, I officially got into college, I've still been riding, working, successfully lived through Thanksgiving, got sick, was sick pretty much through all of December, Finished the mousetrap car, turned 18, which kind of sucks, locked my keys in my car (along with the spare which I made two weeks before) for the first time ever and shut my ipod in the car door all in the same night (night before my birthday), Craig had a big bonfire, got a new cell phone, started taking apart the old black truck, and finally Christmas! |
|
|
| SHOW! |
[Oct. 8th, 2006|09:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | E-Pro- Beck | ] |
Today was the first and last show of the season. Rose asked me last Sunday if I would show Romeo in Westford this weekend, and hesitantly I agreed (I felt bad that Rose wanted to pay for a whole day at the show when I would probably lose anyway). My aunt worked with me every day last week to help me get ready, and she said I would do fine, so we went for it.
The first class went off at 8:30, which meant we had to get to the show by 8ish to register for classes and do a warm up. We were all going to meet at Rose’s between 6:30 and 7:00, but we were all late, as usual. We had to rush to get everything in the trailer, pack hay and water, brush Romeo and polish his feet. By the time we arrived in Westford, the first class was starting, so we jumped out to unload the horse/enter the class. As soon as we shut off the truck, we heard the trailer shake, so all three of us jumped out and ran to the side, threw open the door and saw Romeo freaking out. The partitions had all slammed open and he had gotten scared and tried to run out, but he was tied and couldn’t turn, so I ran around the side, grabbed the lead line, threw it to my aunt, who managed somehow to clip him and got him free. It was kind of scary, but he was pumped up and energized for our first class, which was halter. There wasn’t a huge group- only about 14 or so, and we got a second place. It was a good start to the day. It was a lot of fun. While the judges were judging, I talked to the girl in front of me, who was about my age and had a 9 year old Arabian. She had gotten her horse when the horse was just a yearling and she had trained it herself. It was interesting to share horse stories and laugh. I felt bad though when I came in second and beat her, when she had worked so much harder than I had to get there.
Our second class was equitation. We had spent a while in the warm up area working on what we had been doing for the past week, and we seemed to be fine. When the class started, we entered the ring and we still seemed to be doing well. For the most part he was light and balanced, and I felt alright on him. We had a few moments when he was a bit strong, but everyone else did too. It got annoying because it was an open show so there were western riders too, who were doing this extremely slow jog, so Romeo and I had keep dodging them while trying to stay on the rail. I was kind of disappointed when we didn’t even place in that class. I felt really awesome, and even my parents and aunt said that I did okay. I shrugged it off though, I had given it my all. I knew what I did wrong, and I knew how to fix it for the next class.
My third class was the best one. It was the pleasure class. It was the largest class with the most entries. I didn’t change much from the equitation class. I just gave him more rein, more half halts, kept him at an even pace, tried to maneuver around the people better, and smiled. It felts absolutely amazing. We weren’t trotting, we were floating, gliding along the side of the ring with ease. We were so relaxed and I got that incredible feeling of unity that every rider strives for. When I heard that number 137 (my number) had won, I was ecstatic. It felt awesome, and I proudly pinned the blue ribbon to his bridal and trotted out of the ring.
What was even more cool was that both of my parents were there. For the first time in over a year they had seen me ride. I did so great that my dad had nothing to critique me on. Usually after I ride he jumps on my case telling me exactly what I did wrong, but today he couldn’t. I saw him smile too. It was one of those subtle “good job, that was actually impressive” smiles. To know that I got his approval in my 5 minutes on the horse during that one show made me happy.
My last class was a total disappointment. Its not that I did bad. We were actually really good, the only problem was me. It wasn’t my communication with the horse that killed me, but my ability to listen. It was embarrassing, but its alright.
Overall, I had an amazing time. Even if I hadn’t won anything, I still would have had fun. Our week of intense lessons and hard work preparing for the show paid off. We had some great moments, and I’m proud of that! |
|
|
| riding |
[Oct. 4th, 2006|08:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | we got more bounce in CA- soul kid | ] |
I finally feel like Bennie and I have improved. We aren't 100% back to normal, but I feel a huge improvement. I've been working a lot at trying not to pick on him, and accepting his limitations. Part of my problem was that I was asking him for things that he is not physically capable of. Because of his awkward build and head carriage, his trot feels a lot slower than it actually is. For the longest time, I was asking for too much. I kept trying to get him to extend more than we needed to at the working/collected trot. Bennie has a short back, and when I had him collected, it seemed like he was trotting too slow, so I kept pushing him forward. Because his hind end isnt that strong, and he's so heavy in the front end, it was hard for him to give me what I wanted, which is why we would battle it out. The truth of the matter was that at he was still tracking up, and had a good frame. I worked a lot with my aunt in the ring and she watched me, telling me when his pace was good, rushed, or too slow.
I feel good, I'm really excited. I love riding, especially on days like yesterday, when we got to gallop and let loose (after a good 20 minutes of work in the ring). I love galloping. It's like we are free. The best feeling is having all my thoughts and problems replaced by this surge of adrenaline when we gallop so fast that I dont quite know if Im in control or not. It's a weird feeling. There are times when he tries to buck, and I get kind of off balance, and I get this feeling of nervousness and determination at once. It's hard to explain. The whole thing happens so fast that you dont quite have time to be nervous, you just react. Yesterday I let him gallop on the trail, and when we reached an impressive speed, he bucked. It wasn't a little, feel-good hop, it was a big, hind end up, hooves out kind of buck. I didnt have time to think, and I didnt even realize it, but I let out a big half-scream half-growl at him. I had no idea that I yelled that loudly until I heard the echo. When I heard the echo I realized in that split second, I had been scared, but my reaction was more anger and a stubborn motivation to stay on. It was a weird feeling- just reacting off of instinct.
I rode Romeo today in preparation for this weekend's show (which I am pumped for) and it felt good. For once, I was able to sit on a horse that is a more push button hose than Bennie (even though Romeo is greener). I got to focus on my position and not worry so much about the horse's pace. With Bennie I almost constantly have my leg on him, and I'm so focused on getting him to move out and be energetic that I let my position slip, but when I ride romeo, a naturally energetic horse, I don't have to create a work ethic, I can just sit there, and focus on balancing him and getting a good frame. Its a welcome change to what I'm used to. Hopefully some of the work I do on Romeo will carry over to Bennie. For the next 3 days, I have lessons with my aunt to get us ready.
I wish I could say I've made the same improvements in school as I have with Bennie. I cant seem to do good in any class other than Photo, Spanish and French. Physics is challenging, but manageable. Calculus is just impossible. Anatomy is really interesting, and really isn't that hard, but I still manage to do bad in it. I find the bible reading in Honors Lit fascinating, but the actual class couldn't be more boring...
Other than that, life's been good (minus the whole college thing) |
|
|
| THE ROLLING STONES CONCERT!!!! |
[Sep. 21st, 2006|08:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | ecstatic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Wild horses- Rolling stones (they didnt play this one sadly) | ] |
Last night was incredible. In all honesty, it was something like a dream. It was easily one of the greatest days of my life (I don’t get out much…). It started off kind of crazy with me leaving the school around 3:30, rushing home to get a jacket, then to my aunt’s house to feed her horses, then up to Rose’s house to feed her horses, then back down to my aunt’s house to wait for Rose to come pick us up. Linda (my aunt) didn’t get out of work until 4:45 and I was sitting in the truck, reading, when she rolled in. Rose met us both at Linda’s about ten minutes later, and we were on the road by 5.
It was exciting just to sit in the car with Rose, Jimmy (Rose’s son) and Linda. There was a marathon on one of the radio stations that was playing all Rolling Stones songs, which got us pumped. Unfortunately there was a lot of traffic and it took us two hours just to get to Gillette Stadium. As we pulled up close to the stadium, I saw how large the stadium was, and believe it or not, I cried because I was happy, honored, excited, awestruck, and just amazed that I was actually at Gillette Stadium. The Stadium is huge! I had never seen it before (or anything like it) and it just blew me away. Just looking at it made me happy.
We could have turned around at that point, and I would have been completely content, but we got out of the car and started walking toward the entrance.
People dressed in Rolling Stones tee-shirts had little barbeques set up in the back of their trucks and were grilling food, drinking beer, listening to music, and just having fun. It was quite a sight to see. I would have loved to join them and dance and eat at my own little truck party, but I couldn’t.
When we got inside the Stadium (after being pat down for drugs, knives, bombs, etc) we got some food and tried to find our seats. As we were walking around, the first act came on- Kanye West. I was amazed by the giant stage and impressive, colorful, changing lights. I went up close to the rail and just stared in. I could see him on the big screen, and I just stood motionless. It was one of the greatest things I had ever seen. I finally caught up to the rest of the group and went down to our seats. He sang a few of his more popular songs, as well as the new song “Crazy” by Gnarls Barkley, which was awesome, but when he sang “gold digger” I started dancing.
Kanye West’s act only lasted a little while, and after that there was an hour span where they were getting ready for the Rolling Stones, and we all went and got tee shirts. I really wanted one that said they played at Gullet Stadium on September 20, but there were all sold out, so I had to get one from their tour in Finland or Denmark, which is alright, because it’s a tee shirt, with the Rolling Stones on it, what could be better?
We took our seats at 8:22 (weird how I remember that) in row 21 of section 132 in seats 8-12. The concert didn’t actually start until 9:00 pm sharp (Jimmy and I counted down to the exact second when the lights were shut off). The first song they played was “Paint it Black” It was amazing. The light were flashing, they were playing the screen, and the music was loud (good). Everyone was standing, dancing, and smoking pot (yeah I could smell a lot of pot throughout the concert). It was so much fun. I couldn’t believe I was actually in Gillette Stadium listening to my first concert- a Rolling Stones concert.
A few songs later, they played “Streets of Love” and once again I started crying (well not crying, just like a few tears came out) for the same reasons as when I first saw the stadium. I looked around and could see everything, the screen, the flashing lights on stage, and the crowds of people. One of the coolest things was the flashes of the cameras. At any given time, looking into the crowd, I could see multiple flashes of cameras. It was really neat.
Sadly, it only lasted a little over 2.5 hours and at the end, they played “brown sugar“ and there was a fairly large fire works display, including huge puffs of fire that I could feel the heat from. Once it was over, EVERYONE ran to the door at the same time. It didn’t matter how fast you made it to the parking lot, because there was still an hour wait just to move an inch.- that’s how crowded it was. By the time we made it back to Linda’s it was almost 2:30, which means I didn’t get home till about 2:45, which meant I didn’t get to bed until 3:00
I couldn’t have asked for anything better. A Rolling Stones concert… A ROLLING STONES CONCERT!!!!! Omg, I loved it. I am truly grateful and honored that I got to see it. It was perfect in everyway. It was like a dream, seriously. I know I don’t get out much and that probably sounds pathetic and lame, but the concert was (and is) really important to me. It will be a day I will never forget, as long as I live. How could I? The lights, the music, the gargantuan stadium, that cute red head who I managed to have whole conversation with without any words, the Italian sausages (yuum), and just the massive crowd are all too impressive not to forget. What a great night. What a great concert!! what did I do to derserve such a great opportunity as this???? |
|
|
| ROLLING STONES CONCERT |
[Sep. 19th, 2006|10:03 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Boston- Augustana | ] |
OMG!!! TOMORROW IS THE ROLLING STONES CONCERT!!!!! I cant wait! I'm soooooooooooo pumped! its my first concert ever, and its going to be a blast! (or so I hope) If you want me to call you during a song, let me know! (wild horses and I think satisfaction are already claimed) |
|
|
| bored |
[Sep. 18th, 2006|11:16 am] |
haha, im in anatomy, and I saw alyssa updating her journal (shes right next to me) so i decided I wanted to too. i dunno what to write though. hmm two of my very close friends got in a fight over a cookie today. One of them bought me a cookie, even though I told them not to and that i wasnt hungry, so he was trying to get me to eat it... but the other friend got all mad that the first friend was trying to make me eat it. I ended up leaving, I went into the hall and talked with my good friend andrew. people shouldnt fight over things like that...
what else is new? well, OLD HOME DAY freaking rocked on friday night. I got all my friends to dance and go wild. I climbed the swings and hung on the top metal bar, but then fell, I have a nice bruise, which looks really cute... It was so much fun. I got to swing really high. hmm I also attacked josh, and chris, and jon, and well, i guess everyone, im a loser like that. Then after the dance thing, jon, muneeb, jai, me, james, and chochey all went to chilis for some food.
Saturday, I hung out all day with trigo and filter. we got dresses and made michelle go to homecoming (provided that trigo and I read books). I've already finished my book. I really liked it, and I promised michelle that I'd write an entry about it, but ill do that later. OHD on saturday was lame. The fireworks were kind of depressing, but whatever, thats life for ya. I ended up leaving early- around 8:30, and I went home and watched Kill Bill with my parents (yeah lame)
Sunday I got to help fix/build fences. That ended up being a pretty good adventure. My dad and brother had to get some free wood, so my mom and I were put in charge of the fence... right, my mom and I with a hammer, nails, and boards=pretty awesome stuff. After we did that (it only took a few hours) we went to khols and my mom bought me a pretty green shirt, and some earings and a necklace to match my homecoming dress. The we bought shoes. My mom is really fun sometimes.
and here I am right now. sitting in anatomy (haha) what a great class. I really hate calculus, it makes me really mad sometimes, like today. Mr. Nagy wasnt there, so we got to do out homework in class. 45 minutes later, I was still working on the first problem, just as confused as when I started. eh, i'll get it eventually, its just frustrating. alright, class is almost over, and alyssa wants me to read a comment she posted on an entry that I posted 3 min ago (I wrote it on weds. after the volleyball game, but didnt post it till now) ciao! |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 14th, 2006|11:12 am] |
"I'm struggling, you know that, but I will keep struggling for you, if you can try to meet me half way"- my dad
What a weird day. I dont even know what made it weird, but it just was. The whole school part didnt really make it weird, it started after that. It started after I went home to help my mom (even though I didnt have to) and then went to christophers to meet up with some friends. I guess it started around then... well more so when we got to the school. It was okay at first, but then I got to this point where I like felt different. I felt like I didnt belong. Like I wasnt welcome. I just had this urge to go somewhere and do something that was ME... something where I did feel welcome and wanted and not backgrounged... something where I wasnt pissing anyone off, so i picked up my keys and left. Another weird thing, on my way out of the gym, I lost the little computerchip on my keyring, I saw it fall off, heard it hit the ground, and I went to reach for it, but quickly stopped myself. I dont know why either.
I went home first, put all my homework and school stuff on my bed and sat down at the computer. But again, I just didnt feel like myself, so I left wanting to go to the one place I do feel like me, the barn. I ended up just sitting in bennies stall crying. I dont know why I cried, but I did. I dont feel like me any more. I have no real purpose. Why am I here? what really do I do? what is my role? my friends dont need me, I cant ride because I suck, and its like what is me? what defines me? Crying felt good too. Even though I felt incredibly pathetic, it was soothing to rest my forehead against his and just breathe in and out. I know he sensed something in me. He was nice to me, he touched my shoulder, nudged me affectionately and rested his head against my chest.
No matter what, he is there for me. A horse. When everything else in this life really sucks, he is the one that can bring me up. (no matter how corny/lame that sounds, its true) |
|
|
| mom |
[Sep. 11th, 2006|08:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  curious | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Whatsername- Greenday | ] |
So last week, my mom decided that she wanted to move to Dunstable. There was (and Im guessing still is) a house for sale about 3 minutes from my aunt’s house. There was nothing special about the house. It was small, and actually really messy and torn apart inside, but had an 11 stall barn as well as an indoor riding arena. My mom was all set to go forward and buy the house, and even told Craig and I about it, which kind of freaked us out. I didn’t really want to move… but It would’ve be nice to have Bennie in my back yard. I could kind of imagine walking out at 6 in the morning in my Pjs and bare feet over to the fence, Bennie would come trotting up to me, and I would climb the fence and pat him… But anyway, my mom decided to bail on that idea (im actually kind of disappointed..)
My mom’s latest thing has been this real estate course that is 6 weeks long (one night a week) and at the end you get certified to be a real estate agent. For what ever crazy reason she woke up one day and decided “I think I want to be a real estate agent.” By the next day, she had sent in the money and officially signed up for the class. My dad, brother, and I kind of sat there like “where the hell did this come from?” but we offered our support and encouragement.
Now, as I mentioned before, my mom is a crazy, spur of the moment type of person. She lives in the right now and has little to no patience for most things, which is why we were all skeptical of her dedication to this thing.
Well, week one has passed and she is still in the class. Barely
You see, she came to my dad and I and asked for help with the math. It is basic, simple math that you learn in middle school like decimals and percents, but my mom cant do math, like she never did math. She got to 8th grade math and just stopped and started skipping class. This is why my dad and I had a little study session with her where we went through how to do basic things, like differentiating 6% from 60% (.06 is 6% and .6 is 60%). My mom just doesn’t get that, and because my dad and I assumed she did, it kind of turned ugly, and before we knew it, she had started crying, said she quit and ran outside for a cigarette
For some reason I laughed. It wasn’t a mean, “you are stupid” kind of laugh, because she’s not, she just learns differently and is at a different level than most people. It was a “I’ve been there, done that” sort of laugh where I could remember nights where I’ve been so frustrated that I cried. My dad and I both shared the same feeling and decided to go outside to encourage her to try again.
Its kind of fun helping my mom. I get to tutor her with math and give her oral quizzes. Plus I think its really good for her to have a goal to work for. She’s been so used to the same old stuff that she gets bored and frustrated and takes it out on my dad, Craig, and I. But now, with a real estate license to work toward, a lot of her energy and frustration goes toward that, which is good, I think. |
|
|
| mini triathlon! |
[Sep. 3rd, 2006|09:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Stand by Me- Oasis | ] |
Today Alyssa, Michelle, and I competed in a little mini triathlon. At first, I really didn’t want to do it because I was kind of scared that I couldn’t do the whole bike riding thing, so I asked Jai and the group to run my leg over at movie night last night. But because my friends didn’t want to run me over, I had to do it…
When we all woke up at 6 this morning (Michelle and I slept over Alyssa‘s house), it was raining, wet, and just icky out. I think we were all having doubts about whether or not we wanted to do it, but when we got there we just kind of signed up. It was 58 degrees and drizzling when Alyssa dove off into the water and began her 1/4 mile swim. Michelle, Alyssa’s Parents, and I all cheered her on (even though she probably couldn’t hear us) but she was incredible!! She was the third person out of the water and was only beaten by two tall, strong guys. She tagged me hand and I ran off to get the bike. I got on and tore off, beginning my 10 mile bike . I felt pretty good at first and I was biking along at a pretty good clip. I could see one of the guys who was ahead of us, and it felt good being in third. I was surprised at how fast I was going and was pretty pumped… until I made it to the main road. There was this huge hill. I had exploded and used up a great part of my energy in the very beginning, so getting up that hill was a challenge. two guys in tight spandex pants passed me as I was struggling to get up it (I laughed because Alyssa, Michelle and I had been intimidated by the “serious” people in spandex). At the top of the hill, I felt good, and was able to finally breathe again. I was kind of mad that I was on a mountain bike and couldn’t pedal down the hill (I was going too fast for the highest gear to work), so another guy passed me. I was kind of angry that all these biker guys in tight spandex on huge racing bikes were passing me, so I kind of got a second wind and pedaled my butt off until I passed the rail road tracks and hit the turn around spot.
I shouted out my number, turned around and had to go back up the hill I had just come down. I kept pedaling and about ½ mile from the turnaround point, I began seeing some people who were coming down the hill, which meant they were probably a mile or less from me. I was pretty motivated at this point and I had at it (I wanted to be the first girl back). I was breathing so heavily and I remember I would suck in air, and let it out saying “crap.” This little system seemed to work pretty good. It also helped that someone was in their garage playing “hips don’t lie” and I was like “yeah!!!” because it made me happy and I got to do a little dance on the bike. The other side of the huge hill that I came up in the beginning was a lot easier, and once I was at the top, I just flew down the hill! It was awesome! I was so happy that I made it back to the beginning and was able to tag Michelle, and she tore off down the road for her 1.5-2 mileish run. Alyssa, Alyssa’s parents and I hopped in a car and drove down to the finish line. We waited for a while hoping our miche beans was okay, but eventually she came around the corner and finished for us. We were all so happy! It was really exciting (plus there were hot dogs and water at the finish).
We ended up winning in our division (fastest female team ages 17-39). There weren’t many female teams… but it doesn’t matter! We kicked butt for being a team made of a swimmer who hasn’t swam since the winter, a biker who hasn’t biked in over a year and a half (and doesn’t even have a bike) and a runner who doesn’t usually have to run long distances.
The race wasn’t even the best part. The best part was riding the jet ski. We had a lot of fun until it ran out of gas and we were stuck a little far out from the shoreline. The three of us just sat there talking until someone came out for us and towed us back. After getting some gas, we were good again and kept riding it. It was so much fun and we kept switching drivers, which kept it interesting. One time, as Michelle went to get off to switch with one of us, she kind of leaned too far over, and all three of us ended up in the lake with the jet ski. It was fun.. But after that we were really cold and wet so we went in.
I had such an awesome time!! THANK YOU SO MUCH ALYSSA FOR INVITING ME! I had a blast. Sorry I let GL beat us in the bike race though… You and Michelle did such an awesome job, I’m so proud!
|
|
|
| really, REALLY good news!! |
[Aug. 29th, 2006|08:02 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | ecstatic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | steady as she goes- the raconteurs | ] |
Remember the accident that I got into in April where a girl ran a red light and hit me, totaling my black truck? Finally, after four months, the whole thing has been settled. Originally the girl’s insurance refused to pay for our truck because they thought I was at fault even though I had a witness that verified her light was red, so we had to get a lawyer involved…
By using the police statement, my statement, the witness, and the DOT information about the sequence of lights, our lawyer was able to get the girl’s insurance company to pay the WHOLE value of our truck back, the storage and towing fee… AND, he was also able to get Craig’s hospital bills covered. We weren’t expecting that much for the truck, but we are going to get $9,275 for the truck!!!!!! (or $8,400 if we want to keep the truck for parts, which my dad wants to do). Craig’s bills (testing to see how bad his concussion was and if there was any damage) were slightly over $2,000!!!!
I cant believe we actually got the money for the truck! Im so excited, like its an incredible feeling. Now my dad can buy another car, and I don’t feel guilty about killing his car! It feels good to know that I was right and we (or the lawyer) was able to prove it! |
|
|
| grr |
[Aug. 28th, 2006|06:50 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  angry | ] |
gosh, I am such a crappy rider. This sucks! I tried doing what I originally thought would work to make bennie and I better, but the thing is, I just kept getting angry at him for every little thing he did. I cant hold him together anymore, my position sucks, and its my fault that he's being the way he is, yet I still punish him for the things that I do wrong, what the hell is wrong with me? He's starting to loose respect for me, and I really REALLY need to get it back, and fast.
(sorry about my rant) |
|
|
| craig and amy |
[Aug. 26th, 2006|02:28 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Magic Bus- The Who | ] |
Amy is coming tonight. Amy is Craig’s 15 year old girlfriend who lives in Vermont… yes, that’s right, Vermont, as in two and a half hours away. Craig was originally making me cart his butt up there to visit, but for some reason Amy and her family are going to be in Durham today, so Craig and Amy came up with this genius plan that she would come here and spend the night. This meant that Craig and I had to clean the house yesterday and get everything ready.
Now, the weird part is that neither of our families had met until 6 pm yesterday when Amy’s mom called my parents and introduced herself. They talked, and naturally Amy’s mom was (and still is) reluctant to let her daughter sleep over her boyfriend’s house with parents who they don’t even know. As of right now, we still don’t know if she is going to sleep here with us or with her parents in a hotel.
I was thinking about it (or rather my dad was talking about it) and it really is an iffy situation for my parents. First off, they are being forced into meeting these people and having them come over to our house to more or less evaluate our morals and whether or not we are fit to house their daughter… weird. Secondly, they want to go out to dinner with us… ALL of us, meaning my brother, mom, dad, and I, which I bet will be incredibly awkward. The parents also want a plan of what Amy and Craig will be doing for the night, so my dad has been pushing Craig into thinking about things to do. Guess who has the honor of being their chauffeur…that’s right, ME! (I don’t really mind though)
But heres the thing…Craig was expecting/hoping to just spend the night here watching movies/doing stuff in his room with her (haha). Part of me feels bad for him because I wouldn’t want to have so many things attached to one supposedly fun night, but on the flipside, I can understand exactly where my parents and Amy’s parents are coming from. This is why I waited until I got my license to go on dates and do stuff with guys, because the whole parents are eliminated from all your plans. Its so much more simple to just tell them where you are going, who will be there, and what time you might be expected home, give or take an hour. Oh well, Craig has gotten himself into this mess… and Im loving every moment of it (okay, its really not that bad).
While Craig was all mad about not being able to do what he wanted with Amy, my dad and I started singing the lyrics to colt 45..
Dad: “your dick was hard but now its soft (what?)”
Me: “you thought you had a girl to rock your world”
Both: “now you still gotta go jack off” (yee-haw)- followed by a high five and a laugh
“I put on my clothes and I was on my way
until her daddy pulled up in a Chevrolet
and so I ran, I jumped out the back window
but her daddy he was waitin' with a two-by-four
he beat me to the left
he beat me to the right
the mother f****r whooped my ass all night”
(more lyrics we sang) from colt 45
I’ll let you all know what happens… |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 21st, 2006|11:56 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | American woman- The Guess Who | ] |
Got caught dancing next to my truck tonight. It was awesome. It was one of those moments where you are on the verge of breaking out into tears, but manage to turn the bottled up emotion into something else. It felt good. I had just pulled into my driveway around 11:20, and American Pie came on the radio, I blasted it, parked the car, and began to sing. After the first verse, I jumped out and danced, screaming/singing the lyrics as loudly as I could. Craig and my neighbor came out of the garage and stared at me and asked me what the hell I was doing. I laughed, and went over to them and tried to get them to dance too, but they didn’t want to. I went back to the truck and kept singing. My dad came out of the house too and started smiling, telling me how ancient the song was.
Try it sometime... |
|
|
| Bennie |
[Aug. 21st, 2006|08:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | annoyed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | far away- Nickelback | ] |
Lately, my riding has been crap. Last year Bennie and I were doing great. We had a connection that we could both feel and we could join together to do consistent work. We almost always got that feeling of unity; we were able to read each other, anticipating the next movement of our ride. It was a feeling of knowing that I could ask for anything, and he would do it in a split second. It was having energy and an enthusiasm that kept us both interested and amused. It was being able to block out all thoughts and troubles and focus 100% on the here and now. Sometime this summer, we lost this.
Its not that I don’t like to ride or don’t love the horse anymore, its just the feeling has become dulled. Lately our rides have been full of nothing but frustration, anger, and disappointment. This is my fault, and there is no excuse for it. I’ve been doing so much that Bennie has been pushed aside. Its been hard to juggle the horse in between friends, family, work, and multiple other little jobs. This has to change. I am sick of going to the barn and just getting mad at the horse for things that aren’t even his fault. I expect him to be perfect for me even though I only ride 3 to 4 times a week. At least half of our rides end up with me getting mad at the horse and beating him up for absolutely no reason other than lack of work and schooling. Because I constantly hound on him, he gets as frustrated as I am and doesn’t want to try because he knows I will just beat him up. When he gets frustrated and starts to either buck or refuse to do the things I ask, he gets even angrier and the ride goes absolutely nowhere. Its not like this is a rare bad day either, this happens almost every time I get on. I feel really guilty about it and I get that sinking feeling whenever I look at him because I am ashamed at what I have let us become…
So I started to think of what would make it all better or at least begin to make it better. I realized that what I have to do to get back to the point where were last fall, is take a few steps back. Instead of pushing harder to get through this rough spot, I have back down and repeat some of the basics… We have to learn how to play again. I need to stop being forceful, controlling, and mean. I have let the horse come to me and want to be taught. In order for us both to excel, we both have to have fun and want it, which is why we need to rebuild some of the trust and friendship that we had last year. We both need to take a break from riding for a while and learn to trust each other again. We need to feel that connection that has been lost. I miss it, and I think he does too. |
|
|
| a relaxing day at the beach... |
[Aug. 5th, 2006|11:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | none | ] |
Today had a great start...
Last night I talked to everyone around 10 pm to see who was going to beach day. I got a frantic call from James that explained that the Suds could not go. I was disappointed that Jai and Nate couldn’t come and that we had originally had close to 15 or so people who had planned to come, but that number had dwindled down to about 7, but I was still excited. I set my alarm for 7:30 because everyone planned on being at my house by 8:00. Around 7:15, I heard my cell phone vibrating on my dresser, and I picked it up right as it was about to fall on the floor. It was Nathan. I said hello but I told him he really should be sleeping since he wasn’t coming. The he told me to look out the window. So I rolled out of bed and looked outside. Nate’s truck was sitting right there. I hung up, got dressed quickly, grabbed some towels, and my cell phone and went outside. I had only been talking with Nate for around 5 minutes when James pulled in. I grabbed my guitar and the three of us played for bit until the rest showed up.
We all split up into three cars with Alyssa, Josh, and Nate driving. We managed to make it to the beach alright, but we had to wander around looking for parking (we eventually gave up and just paid 10 dollars to park). It was such a beautiful day- the sun was burning bright, and it wasn’t too hot. When we got to the actual beach, we set up our little area with towels and a cooler and went swimming. The water was freezing, but after your body went completely numb, it wasn’t too bad. We quickly gave up on the swimming idea and took a walk and threw a Frisbee around. Alyssa and I found these cool tunnels that we really wanted to walk through, but we both kind of bailed on that idea once we figured out that the water in the tunnels was warm and slimy. Frisbee was fun though, and once that died down, I discovered a neat way to keep our selves (or me) entertained… throwing wet sand. As childish as it may seem and probably is, I had a blast molding sand into a tight ball, running, and throwing my sand ball before my feet touched the line I drew in the sand. It was actually kind of fun. I was able to get Graham and Tim to do it for a little bit.
When we exhausted the sand ball chucking and Frisbee, we started walking back to our little area. Being the mean person I am, I threw a Frisbee full of wet sand at James, and then Nate, and the two of us had a sand fight. We were both covered in sand and had to take another swim in the ice cold water. Upon our return to the group, we found everyone laying on towels and decided to join for a while. Nate had to leave around 1:00 ish, but the rest of us stayed behind. I had walked back to Nate’s truck to get my cell phone, but when I returned, everyone was just kind of sitting there all bored. Josh and Alyssa went swimming, so James and I dug holes in the sand with sticks. When Alyssa and Josh came back, everyone buried Alyssa and I with sand.
After one last swim to wash off the sand, we began to pack up our stuff. Just as we were about to leave, Andrew showed up, so we decided to find some place to eat (after dressing Tim and James in my extra bikini). Alyssa took the lead with James and I in her mini van, Andrew and Tim followed behind Alyssa, and Josh and Graham followed behind Andrew.
But a not so great ending-this is where the day took a turn…
We drove around for a while looking for a place to eat, but when we couldn’t find one, we decided to drive over to the Burger King near by. Less than a mile away from the BK, we all came to a set of lights. We were just cruising along and saw that the light was red. All of a sudden, the blue-ish Silver Honda Accord in front of us stopped suddenly, so Alyssa punched the brakes, screamed “SHIT,” and we all came to a screeching, skidding stop. Just as we all began to let out a sigh of relief that we had stopped in time, BAM we felt Andrew hit Alyssa’s mini van after he slammed on his brakes (I don’t know whose brakes all the noise came from, or if it was from both vans). After Andrew’s car hit Alyssa’s car, Alyssa’s car lurched forward into the Honda, and then back at Andrew’s car. Somewhere in that mess, I heard another slam… Josh. I don’t remember exactly how many times we bumped back and forth, but it was a few.
Shaken up, we all got out of our cars to see if we were all okay and look at the damage (Tim started taking pictures). Alyssa’s mini van had its license plants slammed in, and now has the numbers of Andrews license plate on the rear bumper (the back also wont open), but they were all relatively minor damages. Andrew’s car was worse. After looking under the hood, we could see that the radiator had been pushed it as well as some other things (yeah, I don’t know much about cars). None of the gauges worked anymore. Andrews front bumper and hood were pretty messed up and he had to use a bungee cord to hold them together to get home. His back end was messed up too. Josh’s car had gone under Andrew’s and had bent the muffler and had damaged some of the stuff underneath the car. If you bend down and look at the rear wheels, you can see that one wheel is bent… Andrew said that it was wobbly on the way home. Josh’s car got the worst of it though. Josh had slammed into Andrews trailer hitch, which is pretty sturdy… good for Andrew, but bad for Josh. The whole font end of Josh’s car was pushed in… the air bag even deployed. There was Antifreeze EVERYWHERE. It looks like it is pretty much totaled. It had to be towed away.
That was petty much it. The cops came 30 minutes after the accident. The Honda had disappeared (there was no real damage) so it was just us. Even though Josh and Andrew’s cars are screwed up, no one was seriously hurt (Josh had been cut from the airbag). We all kind of freaked out for a while, but by the time the cop left, we had already started quoting Dane Cook and making jokes about it. Josh and Graham had to ride back with Andrew and Tim, and James and I rode back to my house with Alyssa. We listened to bunch of Dane Cook to laugh and lift our spirits.
It was certainly an interesting day. Some good, some bad, but it was a good experience, and the accident happened amongst friends. We all joked about how you are supposed to exchange information because can just IM it to each other. I still feel really bad for Alyssa, Josh, and Andrew… I mean, this is the second BMW that Josh has totaled. Andrew drove 2 hours from work just to hang out at the beach with us, but we were leaving and he didn’t even get to swim. Plus, I’m sure all three sets of parents aren’t too happy…
Tim took some really awesome pictures, hopefully he will be able to post them somewhere so you all can see our happy beach day… and not so cool accident. |
|
|
| tomorrow |
[Aug. 4th, 2006|03:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | hard to handle- the black crowes | ] |
Okay, so I just thought I'd update with a reminder about beach day. Graham and Tim have it all set up and even chose the beach. So far we have about 11 or so people who are coming. The plan is to meet at my house tomorrow (Saturday, August 5th) around 8 am. From there we will decide who goes in what car, etc and go to the beach. Hopefully it will be A LOT of fun. Remember... everyone is invited, so if you want to come, just IM me, tim, graham or anyone else who is going and let us know, or you may comment here. Dont be shy, the more the merrier, we'd love to have you come. If you need directions to my house, call me, IM me, or comment here. Cant wait to see you all tomorrow!!! thanks Tim and Graham for setting it up.
In the meantime... take my quiz (yeah, I copied molly and Jai because it was a lot of fun)
Create your own friendquiz here |
|
|
| I love my mom |
[Jul. 27th, 2006|11:41 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | crazy- Gnarls Barkley | ] |
When I went to the barn I work at today, I got out of the truck and saw Rose (my boss-like person), Jimmy (Rose’s son), and Abel (stable hand) standing next to the barn. Rose smiled at me and told me that there was something in the barn for me. Curious, I walked over to the tack room door, opened it, and stepped into the stall. There was a bucket half filled with water; a bouquet of flowers was sticking out of the bucket. I knelt down next to the bucket to get a better look. It was an arrangement of irises, sunflowers, roses, and two other types of flowers (I’m not quite sure what they are). The flowers were wrapped up in plastic and there was ribbon around them that held a card. Jimmy jumped up and down asking who it was, so I carefully detached the envelope and tore it open. When I looked at the card inside, I felt myself smile. Rose and Abel saw my expression and demanded who my secret admirer was… I just laughed.
The card said: Holly, you are my everything, I love you more than you will ever know and I am sorry. Love, Mom
I was absolutely taken by surprise. I didn’t expect her to do that. I didn’t want her to do that… But its really cool. I just feel bad though. I think I made a bigger deal out of it (what I described early) than I should have (or deserved to). She didn’t really hurt me all that much. I wont lie, it did hurt, but like it didn’t matter that much. I know she loves me and probably didn’t mean to hurt me, but she didn’t need to send me flowers to get that point across. She didn’t need to apologize either, and the apology over the phone was way more than enough.
It felt good though. When I got home from work around 6, I just walked up to her and hugged her and said thank you and told her that she didn’t have to do that. She started crying and hugged me back and told me she loved me and that she was sorry… I apologized too, and after we finished hugging, I sat outside with her on the deck and we talked. It was good talk too… like cool, mother daughter bonding talk about everything and anything, and we laughed too, like really laughed. It was really touching and sweet.
I really do love my mom. I know I said that earlier, but I did kind of make her out to be really mean and evil before, but she’s not. She does have her problems, like the rest of world, but I love her for who she is… all of her good traits and bad traits. My mom loves me too- all of me and my good and bad traits. She’s always been (and is) there for me, even if I didn’t/don’t see it. She is such a wonderful person.
( Flowers )
I LOVE MY MOM SO MUCH!!! |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 27th, 2006|09:53 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | farmhouse- phish (I LOVE THIS SONG JAI) | ] |
I went to work yesterday, and as soon as I entered the test center, I saw my mom surrounded by Jerry (this incredibly nice guy who works there), Kam (the electrical engineer) and this really cute college sophomore named Alex. They were all talking and I joined their group, like I normally do. It was fun, and always is, we always find things to laugh about, but somehow, yesterday, the subject of the conversation managed to shift to be about me and my little problem. It was a very personal subject, as in I only told my mom cause she’s my mom and I needed help (okay, so I told Alyssa too). I didn’t want her to go telling half of the world (or test center) about my issues. It wasn’t really that she told people that upset me, it was more the way she said it. She was saying it just to get a laugh out of it, like stomping me into the ground would lift her up somehow. She was talking about me as if I wasn’t standing 10 inches away and wasn’t an actual human. It was embarrassing and degrading. I really wanted to just blurt out something mean and snippy to get her to stop putting me down, or walk out. I didn’t though. I bit my tongue and tried to keep my smile out of respect. Jerry saw the pain and humiliation in my forced smile and after my mom left the building, he walked over to me and said that she really did “cross the line” with everything she said about me. I hated being talked about that by my own mother. She’s supposed to respect me and my problems, but yesterday, she didn’t. I was kind of upset about that, but I didn’t say anything to her about it, just because it seemed like she was having a good day and was happy, and on days like that, I’ve learned to just let things go.
When I cam home for break, she was the total opposite, a complete 180 of that laughing, seemingly happy lady. She was already in her pj’s, her shirt was inside out, and she was kind of out it… “tired.” My dad was out on the deck and I asked him if we were still doing that show. He told me that he was more than happy to take me, but it was up to my mom and if she didn’t want to go, he wouldn’t leave for the day to go with me. I said
It was okay, and I went inside to ask my mom if we were still doing it, but all she kind of snapped at me and told me she “didn’t feel like it” so I was like “okay…” and I went back to work. Its really not a big deal. I mean I was looking forward to it for almost two weeks, and I haven’t shown all year, so I was excited. It doesn’t really matter that Im not going to the show, I understand, so it doesn’t upset me all that much. I just wish I could drive with the trailer and horse and could manage the horse all by myself at a show, but I cant.
My mom called me this morning to apologize. I know that Jerry probably talked to her about it. She seemed nice about it over the phone, but its still really weird. I hate to say it, but its almost like I don’t know if what she’s saying is true all the time. I know she loves me, and I’m not doubting that at all. Its just that she’s really good at hiding things sometimes.
I told my dad about it, and I think he was more upset about it than I was. I guess its not just that though, it’s the whole situation. It keeps eating him away inside and came home from work this morning to say hi, and he asked me “do you think your mother cares about me?” I couldn’t answer that, and just stared at the ground. He told me to just find what makes me happy, do it, and try to “hang in there” The truth is, I’m not the one that needs to find what makes me happy and do it to get by, he needs it. I know myself and what makes me mad and sad, but I also know what makes me happy and what keeps me going. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 19th, 2006|11:20 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sad | ] |
Yesterday, when I came home for break around 8:30, I walked in to a dark, and seemingly empty house. I assumed no one was home, so I went to climb the stairs to continue talking on my phone in my room, but my mom said something to me. I was surprised because she was laying down in the dark with no lights or TV on, so I asked what was up. She told me that my grandparents’ horse had died earlier. I asked what happened, and she said that Philly (the horse) had stepped into a sink hole and fell down. The horse was older and weaker then normal horses, and she couldn’t get up, so she thrashed. She thrashed and thrashed and thrashed, breaking her leg all of the struggles. Because all of this happened in the middle of the night, no one saw any of it, so no one could help. One of the other horses, Roy, was there when the horse fell in the ditch, and started calling out frantically. Around 4 in the morning, my grandfather saw how upset Roy was and went outside to see what was wrong, and in doing so, he found his horse in a big sink hole, with a broken leg, tired from all of its efforts to get back up. My grandfather ran back in to call a vet, and ran back outside to be with his horse, but by the time he returned, his horse was dead.
When I heard this, it didn’t really phase me too much and I put the phone back up to my ear and kept talking. I guess it didn’t really seem real to me, like it just seemed like something that would happen in a dream. In fact, I guess it felt like a dream… (which kind of scares me)
I went back to work and thought about it for a while. It reminded me of that dream I had a while ago that I told everyone about… The one where Chris and John were stuck in the ditch and I was trying to get them out with my piece of rope. I kept trying to get them out, but I just couldn’t physically do it. It reminded me of Roy, who was watching this horse, his pasture buddy, die right in front of him, and the only thing he could do was holler, which wasn’t enough to save her. When I thought about it, I imagined myself being Roy in the middle of the night hollering as loudly as I could, just like I was holding that rope in my dream. Its really sad that she died(to me anyway) and I feel awful.
Its just so bizarre. No one expected/wanted this to happen, but it just did, out of the blue, and to my grandparents’ horse- why them? I can see how they are hurting, and I can understand what it must be like… but for them, its almost as if they aren’t just loosing a horse, but also loosing the one thing that connects them to their past and their youth. That horse was more than 30 years old. My grandfather used to compete in carriage racing with his Standardbreds, along with breed his racers once they were finished racing. Philly had been the daughter of one of his good racers. Its like she represented all of that- the farm, the racing, the breeding, and my mom and uncle (who were involved in it). Now that she is gone, all that remains of their past racing and horse raising is memories and photographs. I guess its just kind of depressing.
What’s also weird, is that when I heard about this, I got this knot in the inside of my stomach, that scared me. It felt like this was a preview of something bad to come. To whom or what I don’t know, but it struck me. It feels like something bad will happen, its kind of creepy. I could be wrong, and I hope I am. Don’t listen to me though, I’m just tired and have way too much time to dwell on things like this.
Maybe Im just scared that somethings like that could happen to my bennie, so maybe that weird feeling was me trying to imagine what it would be like. |
|
|
| The last few days... |
[Jul. 18th, 2006|11:48 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | creep- Stone Temple Pilots | ] |
Monday morning I was awoken by Craig shaking me, while asking when I could take him to the store to get target clips. I tried to throw something at him, but just rolled out of bed instead and threw some clothes on. Craig met me by the truck and I opened the door to get in. My center console was flung open, and all my papers were strewn across the seat. My envelope (which was full of money the day before) was sitting on my seat. I picked it up and opened it, there was nothing. Naturally I was pretty angry that my money was gone, but also that who ever had taken it had left the center console open with the light on (and it was draining the battery). The first person that came to mind was my dad, so I called him up and started half yelling at him…
“why the hell did you take all my money! You know that I needed to take Craig to the store. I don’t care if you take my money, but why over $100??? And why didn’t you at least close the center console”
“umm I didn’t take you money”- dad
“oh… I’m sorry… but who did then?”-me
“I don’t know, but when I went to go to work and got into my fathers truck, (my dads using my grandfathers truck because his back is still hurt and he cant drive a standard) I had the same thing- papers everywhere, and the center console opened, but I just assumed my father came here early before work and took something out”
“that sucks, did it happen to mom too?”
“yeah, she thought it was me too”
"*#*)@(#)@*^#^)$&@^#&^%*&^#, that sucks!! What the hell do I do?
“I’m really sorry, I know you worked hard for that money”
……
So yeah, some stupid kids stole a bunch of money and stuff from our cars, which were parked in out driveway. Its definitely some kids… why? Because they are incredibly stupid. I mean my dad left the keys in his car, and I had another check for $100 in the car and we all had more stuff that was worth money in our cars. It just sucks, because our cars were parked in our driveway. I mean technically we should have locked them, but it makes me mad none the less. Craig and I think we know who did it, and Craig wanted to confront them, but one of the things stolen was a knife, so I told him not to. Its okay though, its not like its anything serious. It was funny though. My dad got so paranoid because we don’t lock the garage either usually, so he made Craig and I bring back all of crag’s friend’s dirt bikes.
After we finished that, Craig needed clips for shooting, so we decided to go the Mc Donalds to visit the Suds, then go to walmart to get the clips. When we got to McDonalds, we met up with Jai who was on break and we called up James, who decided to come visit us. We talked with jai for a bit, but then he went back to work, so Craig and I got food, then waited for james to show up (along with josh a few minutes later). After talking with them for a little bit, Craig and I decided to go get the clips because he still needed to pack, so we headed off to walmart. But walmart didn’t have them! So we had to journey up to staples, and I got to use the cool jug handle thing.
Yeah… today rocked too. Around 2 in the morning, Jai and I decided to go out to lunch, so we managed to get a small crowd together to meet after Jai’s court date (that makes him sound like a criminal, but he’s not…) It was fun though. I woke up around 9:00, made brownies, cleaned some, swam in the pool with the puppies, read, took a shower, got gas and met everyone at 12:30. Lunch was fun, food is always a plus. After lunch though, everyone decided to go to the mall and hang out at Kate’s house, but I had to drop off grain and get to work by 3, so I had to leave quickly. James and Nate decided to follow me to the barn to meet my Bennie. They seemed pretty intimidated by him and didn’t even want to come in the stall to say hi, but I got them in at the end. Its funny to see how people can be so afraid of my huge teddy bear.
By the time we finished, it was getting really late, so I had to fly, and I drove off pretty quickly thinking that they knew the way back… well they didn’t. They headed off in the opposite direction and I made them turn around and gave them directions over my cell phone. It was a lot of fun!
The only thing I missed was getting hay. It may sound weird that I want to do hay in 90 degree temperatures and get all sweaty and hay burnt, but I love it. it’s a lot of fun. It comes in these huge trailers and usually its my job to climb on top and toss the bails to my brother, who puts them on the conveyor belt, which goes up to my dad, etc. Its cool how we all can work as a family to get it done. This year ,(well this is only the first load) both Craig and I weren’t there, so my mom and dad had to call my aunt, cousin, and her boyfriend to help. They were joined by one of the boarders and they all got to do it. Im so jealous, I love getting hay, and I wish I could have joined in the little get together they had after at our house with the pool…
This summer has been pretty good so far. Its hard to balance work, friends, and riding in an even, happy circle, but I’ve been doing okay I think. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
holly2277's journal